Down Low

When I first heard about the Down Low drama, I was watching a preview of the Oprah Winfrey Show. The author of “On The Down Low…” J.L. King, had information to share that every woman involved with a Black man should know. Like many of my friends I decided to tune in, only to hear what I had already been told by a couple of my friends, who are black and gay. J.L. King sat on Oprah’s couch and shocked many in the nation about this new wave of deception – and warned many to beware, because someone you love could be lying to you. Just because your man says he’s heterosexual, it doesn’t mean that he is.

Which raises a very important question with regard to promiscuity in general: What drives a human being to be unfaithful to the point of destroying another person’s health?

The San Francisco Chronicle recently published a trio of articles by Jason B. Johnson about the Down Low controversy and the spreading of HIV and AIDS in black communities http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2005/05/01/MNG4TCID0F1.DTL. The first was a broad examination of the connection between AIDS, black men on the DL and the rising number of black women contracting HIV. Another article profiled the evolution of one black man from heterosexuality to homosexuality. The other, and most compelling story was one of a preacher husband who knowingly infected his wife with HIV.

Why are black communities so unwilling to tolerate open dialogue about homosexuality and AIDS? According to health and social advocates, ‘black men have had to front when it comes to the issue of homosexuality, because of the extremely strong stigma against it. In black churches, homosexuality has long been decried from the pulpit.’

If we keep going at the current rate, we won’t have any black communities to worry about. It is a real tragedy that black men and women haven’t figured out how to communicate with each other on real, life-threatening issues. So many factors come into play that I’m not really sure it’s fair to place the blame solely on the men. I do believe without a doubt that it’s wrong to be unfaithful, to lie about the status of your health when it comes to HIV and STD’s. Here’s a questions that needs to be raised – how many women lie and deceive themselves to maintain the status quo? Many of us, raised in very strict, Christian households, don’t have the advantage of knowing what’s going on with our mate who may be more worldly. For those ladies, my heart goes out to you. But then, quite similarly to their husbands and mates who like dudes, some women prefer to pretend that nothing’s going on. They may sense something’s not right, but by the time the kids have arrived, the Mercedes is parked in the garage, the four-bedroom house is in full effect and they’ve established a certain status in their churches and communities, it’s easy to just act like everything’s cool. Becoming increasingly more responsible for ourselves whether we are married, single, dating or otherwise is the order of the day. Regular HIV testing is essential for all of us these days. Before the condom comes off, find out who and what you’re dealing with.

One thing I’ve observed is that the only thing worse than lies are secrets. Secrets are like poison and hurt everyone, from the person that harbors one to the person that never had the benefit of knowing that pertinent information. I’d like to see more churches encourage people to be open and to be themselves, their whole selves, so that more individuals may be truly healed.

Chandra Adams
Author
Shades of Retribution
ChandraAdams.com